Learning to Lose the Guilt

Hi friends!

How’s it going? Anyone have any fun stories to share?

Oooh pick me! Yesterday after about an hour of her being in bed, we heard baby Lily babbling….so Jared went in quietly to see if she needed the binkie. He came right back out and was like “babe, you’ve got to come see this.” So I did.

(Remember, she sleeps on her tummy….)

And there was our baby on her back, feet in the air, smushed against the corner back of the crib.

I had to hold in my laughter!! It was the most hilarious, cutest sight you ever did see.

No picture because it was already bed time (and dark), so we quietly rolled her back onto her tummy, placed her in the middle of the crib, popped the binkie in and left.

And then proceeded to giggle out in our family room. Haha!

I seriously love being her mama!

*****

Learning to Lose the Guilt

With that being said though, being a mom is kind of hard sometimes. Especially when you have perfectionist tendencies, like to exercise, need alone time, and still want passions to continue.

Or any of the above. Or all of the above. Or all of that and more.

Well, I’ve had a hard time not feeling guilty about leaving her with Jared (or a sitter) to go do things I want to do. It’s gotten SO much better over the last little while, but at first it was really hard.

Most of the things I want to do are pretty noble (if you want to call it that), but there have been a few things where I am like “dude, I just need to go out on my own for a bit.” Or “I want to curl up with my book for a few chapters!” that feel a bit more selfish.  Jared has been incredible about seeing my needs, watching her when I teach (when he can), and never complaining one bit about my leaving to go teach or do an errand sans him or her. And for that I am grateful.

For reals though, It is ME who creates the guilty feeling within me!

Imagine that, right?!

Well guess what, it was ME who made ME feel guilty when I ate foods that I had labeled as “bad” or “unhealthy.” It is ME who makes ME feel guilty when I do something for ME and not for baby Lily or Jared.

I am in control of my thoughts and actions, so how have I been able to slow the guilty feelings?

  • By being more present with baby Lily when I am with her and she’s awake.
  • By taking time to care for myself every day (prayer, exercise, drinking water, reading, going to bed early).
  • By putting my relationship with the Lord first, then Jared, then Lily. Priorities matter!
  • By taking walks, getting fresh air, and enjoying the giggles, smiles, and cute squawks with her.
  • By being thankful for what I have, and not worrying about what I don’t have.

Guilt is something WE create for ourselves. External influences can definitely have an effect on us, but it is up to us if we expose ourselves to those influences.

For example, I really and truly lost the guilt of eating ‘bad’ foods when I stopped reading all those fitness/health/lose weight/eat less magazines. It was my choice to stop reading and viewing that crap, and once I did, I stopped feeling judged. So then I lost the guilt around my food choices.

losing the guilt

{for example–I had no problem housing this bag this past week!}

Well, it’s the same with motherhood. Most moms are doing the best they can, so why create a place of judgement or guilt?

I know I AM doing the best I CAN, so why create that guilty feeling? Why place myself against other moms? It’s a waste of energy, time, and brain space.

So that is what I am trying to do lately–losing the guilt around being a mom who has other passions outside of my baby.

I mean I love baby Lily to pieces, and am so grateful for her, but being a good mom doesn’t mean that I give up all my passions just to be with or around her 24/7.

In fact, I am a BETTER mom when I return from teaching a fitness class, reading a few chapters in my book, taking a nap, or spending time with Jared. And I think she knows it too! ;)

learning to lose the guilt

I know you probably know all this for yourself, but I just have to get that out there for myself. Writing is therapeutic for me! ;)

Cheers!

******

I am off to teach BP, work, and hang a bit with Ashley (and Hunter)!

Have a WONDERFUL day! <3

How do YOU lose the guilt around food and/or being a mom with other interests other than YOUR baby??! What are some passions YOU have??! Why magazine have YOU stopped reading lately??

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Comments

  1. i can only imagine what this feels like right now…. i think itz safe to say and i’m sure others would agree with me that you’re totally and completely rocking this motherhood thing :) :)
    Linz @ Itz Linz recently posted…34 Weeks Pregnant | Diaper DiscussionMy Profile

  2. Krista says:

    It took me awhile to get past this too…..especially being a working Mom! But honestly, there were many benefits to my kids being with other trustworthy adults and children! My children are 12 and 9 now and are very social and great around other adults. Lily learns what is “normal” for your family from you and Jarred and think of it this way, will she ever really even remember you left for an hour or two to teach a class or just take a break? NO…..but you will be a better Mom for it : ) The comparison trap is evil!!!!

    • That is such great advice, Krista! Especially about what is ‘normal’ for our family and how we create that so she sees that mom and dad do things they want to do too. So healthy! :)

  3. Haha! I love that story. Cody and I go in to see Hunter before we go to bed each night, and I think we always are laughing about the funny positions he sleeps in. He cracks us up! Being parents is the best, that’s for sure!

    I toooootally agree with you on the guilt stuff. I think for me, confidence is HUGE. When I’m feeling insecure about a certain area, I start to question myself and feel guilty, wondering if I’m doing a “good enough job”. They key for me is to be confident in what I’m doing. With that comes finding the right balance, but after some practice (with food and motherhood and many other things), I know what that balance is for the most part. Sometimes I get a little off track, but I know now when and how to get myself back to that balanced place.
    Ashley @ My Food N Fitness Diaries recently posted…JAVAPRO Was Made For MeMy Profile

  4. Hey there! There is always going to be things in our head we think we “should” be doing, but that doesn’t really always mean we need to listen. And as far as magazines are concerned, I actually stopped reading all print magazines a few months ago. When they would pile up on my living room table, I would feel obligated like I needed to get to them immediately, even if I was busy. Since magazine reading should be for pleasure, it was defeating the purpose of getting them, as I was treating magazines as another to-do. So silly how we can be. Enjoy your healthy Tuesday! :) Best, Ashley

  5. Love this post! I have had some of these feelings of guilt as well and I am trying to work through them. Thank you!
    Rachel @ My Adventures as a Rinderknecht recently posted…Hitting the Town with RosalieMy Profile

  6. Definitely a lesson that everyone needs to learn! It’s hard not to feel guilty for needing ‘me-time’ or having less than stellar food choices sometimes, but that’s the thing about balance – you’re allowed to do these things! Right now, I subscribe to Women’s Health but I may not renew it next time – I think I’ve seen a few too many ’1500 calorie meal plans!’ out of them lately.

  7. 100% agree with this post – especially because doing the things that I could potentially feel guilty about actually make me a better mom and therefore are worth it!
    Katie @ running4cupcakes recently posted…TYT #9–Freezer Meals UpdateMy Profile

  8. I think it’s really great that you have gotten to such a good place with guilt! Guilt is often useless and I had a good talk w/my therapist about it today. Guilt can serve a purpose but we often learn a lesson from it (that’s the purpose) and then forget that after that’s learned we need to just move on. The moving on is the hard part. I think that focusing on creating a positive environment for your daughter is a great way to avoid temptation to stay stuck in the guilty place!
    Caitlin recently posted…More Birthday StuffMy Profile

  9. LOVE this post, Annette! Thanks for reminding us that we’re in control of our feelings and emotions, and only I can make myself feel guilty (for the most part). I think as long as we know what we’re doing is right, if we’re doing our best, and living how we want to/should – we have nothing to feel guilty for.

    Hope the rest of your day was great..sounded like it was going to be fab!
    Sarah @ Sarah Sincerely recently posted…Do You Set Unrealistic Expectations?My Profile

  10. Yes! I have those same feelings, but I have come to realize that I am a better mom when I get some me time!
    Brittany @ Delights and Delectables recently posted…Baby Delight: 2 MonthsMy Profile

  11. I think it is so true being away and doing things for ourselves makes us better moms! I wish I could be a stay at home mom but it’s ok that I can’t. And knowing that I get to go home to that smiley face makes it all ok and manageable. And I feel makes me a better mom. Keep doing what you are doing because you do a great job!
    Katie recently posted…A Day in the Life of a Working MamaMy Profile

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