Learning to Let Go

Hey friends!

Keep the entries coming for the Zevia giveaway! <–this stuff is so yumm. I’ve been trying to taste all the flavors (I have 5 more to go), and I think I could get used to that kind of job. 😉

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Learning to Let Go

I am a Type A personality. You surprised?! Hah. Didn’t think so.

I like to control situations. I am bossy (hence my side-job of being a fitness instructor….). I love to plan & stick to plans. I am efficient. I am a go-getter. I do not like to fail.  I like knowing about things (plans, etc.) in advance. I like being the center of attention. (*cough* blogging, much?! *cough*) I am opinionated.

Thus, I do not like it when plans don’t go my way, when plans change, when I am not in control of a situation, when I fail, and when I don’t get a chance to give my opinion.

Some of these traits are obviously awesome (I get a lot done, I work hard, etc), but some are obviously touuuuggghhh to live with and for others to deal with. (aka my husband and family)

learning to let go

I remember growing up how HARD it was for me to find out last minute that we were no longer going to x restaurant or going to see x play or have the x sleepover. Hard stuff for me to swallow. My mom says I was inflexible (which, sidenote, is ironic considering in fitness-terms, I am really flexible!-i.e. I can do the splits all 3 ways still. hah).

Over time I have become quite aware that I hold these traits & that some of these are strengths & weaknesses of mine. (Thanks family for letting me know more often than not! hah). But being married to a person (for over 3 years now) who is NOT type A at.all. has been quite amazing for me.

I feel that I’ve improved on some of my weaknesses (I don’t FREAK out when {big} plans change…I instead just get slightly uncomfortable & ask lots of questions…..but don’t cry or yell or throw a tantrum like I would’ve before. yes. truth.) And that I’ve evolved into someone who still likes control, yes, but doesn’t throw a fit every time I don’t have that control.

I can thank my husband and my Heavenly Father (what I believe) for their help on this, for sure!

learning to let go

However, it is STILL a very ongoing process. Always. And I realize that.

I’ve improved, sure, but I am far from being totally ‘spontaneous’ or able to just simply ‘let go’ of a situation or plan.

And now, as I approach full-on motherhood (less than halfway to go, people!), I realize that I am going to have to continue to practice these things that have helped ME learn to let go because well, motherhood/kids do not follow your plan. Ever.

For the sake of possibly helping others who may consider themselves Type A or who struggle with letting go of control, here are some tips that have helped me learn to LET GO:

  • pray often (this helps me a ton, ‘simply let go & let God’)
  • let go of the attachment to a certain outcome –YOU want it a certain way, so that automatically sets you up for possible disappointment
  • find time for YOU (date yourself) -because as you get to know yourself better & allow for de-stressing moments, you will be better equipped to handle disappointment or change of plans
  • enlist help of a spouse or family member to encourage growth in this area
  • write a list of things you can let go of / stop planning for
  • jot down things you’re thankful for
  • recognize that what you don’t have control over is NOT your fault (blaming self is another huge type A trait)
  • practice meditation or yoga or stretching to calm the mind
  • get enough sleep

Learning to let go, for me, has changed the way I see a lot of things. I feel less attached to certain outcomes, and thus, am wayyy more likely to not get upset over an outcome–simply because I wasn’t necessarily awaiting a certain outcome. Does that make sense?

A lot of our fear, frustration, stress, worry, and anxiety come from attaching ourselves to a certain outcome, so when we let GO of that attachment (x will happen if I do x no matter what), we will be soooo much happier & less stressed out. Let go & let it be. Whatever is, is right. Come what may & love it.

learning to let go

Attachement can occur with anything outside ourselves-an outcome, money, a certain job, a certain desire, status, etc. Something you honestly don’t have control over. So when we let GO of the things we CAN NOT CONTROL, we automatically free ourselves. And our desire to control it all starts to dissipate.

It’s really a beautiful thing that I’ve been trying/working on, and it’s been neat to see how much happier, relaxed, calm, and genuinely at peace I am. Plus, to be honest, when you’re in a calm mood/good state of mind, you’re more likely to attract things, ideas, people, and outcomes that are in alignment with who you really are.

Try it. Let go of that desire to control & plan every detail of your future. I promise you’ll be so so much happier & less stressed! :)

<3

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Thankful Thursday

  1. I am thankful I have food in my cupboards & fridge. I have been eating a lot lately-so it’s nice to know it’s there. :)
  2. I am grateful for my ability to keep working out & teaching fitness while pregnant.
  3. I am super thankful for my past–because it teaches me so much about myself.

{source}

Have a FANTASTIC day!! <3

What type of personality would YOU say you are?? What are some of YOUR strengths & weaknesses?! How do YOU practice letting go?! What is something YOU are proud about this past week?!? What are YOU thankful for today?!

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Comments

  1. jonny and i are like you guys, but opposite haha he gets mad when plans change and i hate making plans cuz i’m like, “let just play it by ear!” hey, opposites attract, right?! friends & husbands! :)

  2. Another super-timely post! THANK YOU! I’m learning how to let go a little more, too, but moreso learning how to deal with certain people in my life who CAN’T let go (and therefore trying not to let their need for control affect me negatively–easier said than done!) My husband is the spontaneous half of our marriage so we definitely balance each other out! I’ve lightened up A LOT since having kids, but I still have a long way to go. It’s a journey, right :-)

  3. Sienna says:

    I’m definitely type A. You basically described me when you described yourself. Expectations really can set me up to be disappointed when they aren’t met. But I’m aware of that and am pretty good at changing plans or compromising when necessary.

  4. I can relate to this so much Annette! I’m a type-A all the way…I’m controlling, and I like to have a plan laid out that will be followed exactly – and when that inevitably doesn’t happen, I freak out. I have been working on being a little more relaxed, but it’s hard to change a lifelong personality trait. Slowly but surely, I’m getting better at compromising and being more spontaneous.

  5. This post is me. Exactly. To a tee. And I am married to the most easy-going man on the planet (Praise God!) because I know that’s the only way we survive…I’m crazy anal-retentive and he loves me in spite of it :)

    I love your tips for letting go….They are absolutely wonderful. I know that if I don’t get enough sleep, don’t exercise or at least spend a little time outside, or don’t eat correctly, I will be even more of a bear to deal with.

  6. Beautifully written! Motherhood is the ultimate lesson in letting go of the all little things that we can not control. We are forced to give up control because if not, we would stress our children and really make ourselves and everyone around us miserable. In my house we have learned to find a balance… I do have a breaking point, and can not tollerate complete chaos, so we all adapt and it seems to work out just fine. Hope you’re well. big hug

  7. Nicole says:

    I used to be the kid who couldn’t handle change….I didn’t like not being in control or not being able to influence my family to do one thing or another. Now, I think I’ve just “moved on” and accepted that not everyone is going to want to do what I’d like or want to do!

    My strengths are that I always try and give myself to others and do unexpected sweet things.

    Weakeness: Impatience….and being a “doormat”.

    My Mom taught me a lot about “letting go”. When she was diagnosed with cancer, she realized that worrying about things out of our control isn’t a good use of the little time we have here on Earth.

    I’m thankful I am employed. I may not like my job, but I am thankful I have one.

    Great post from the heart, Annette!

  8. I am also Type A, through and through. Keeping lists and taking time to take deep breaths help to keep me sane.

    I loved your tips–especially prayer. I needed that reminder. :)

  9. I can relate alot. I’ve been learning to let go of things that I cannot control. This is hard for me. I am proud that I was able to get alot off my chest this week on my blog. Letting my readers know what really is going on!

  10. Oh man, this hit close to home! So many good points. I should try and work on it too. I’m a total control freak as well, and I’m sure that’s not going to fly in the coming months/years/etc.

  11. Oh man, I can relate ALL too well with this post! And yes, thank goodness we are married to men who are NOT Type A. It’s been SO good for me!

  12. What a great post:) I’m pretty laid back but I definitely have my moments. I practice letting go by reflecting on past experiences and trying to look at the big picture to see different perspectives.

  13. Haha this nailed my personality straight on the head! I plan EVERYTHING. I’m such a control freak and hate it when plans change. It’s my kryptonite!

  14. Thank you for this post! I am SUCH a control freak and get very upset when things don’t go as planned. My mantra when I get too anxious is “Be still and know that I am God” from Pslam 46:10 I repeat two words of the phrase on each inhale and exhale, and it really helps me calm down and reduce my anxiety. You should try it, much like “Let go and let God”!

  15. we can relate to this, and for us setting time for ourselves to think and relax is important in helping us let go! we do not like being in control (especially Lori) but through relaxation we have gotten better :)

  16. this was a nice post to read — i used to think being type A was an advantage, and it can be — but to a certain extent. it’s all about balancing :) when my meal times were postponed by even 30 minutes, i would rage into a horrible mood… and if i was supposed to eat earlier than planned, well, i would still be cranky. this past month i’ve taken up yoga, and it’s taken off a little of the crazy-girl edge in me. but i believe that realizing that a type A personality can get too controlling is a great step toward balancing life out :)

  17. danielle says:

    :) this post could not be more perfect for me right now… so awesome!
    control freak is my other name, really. lol. i’m in the middle of major/mega life transitions and it’s just incredible how i feel about everything, and how different i feel than i did just a couple of years ago. the old me from a few years ago would be FREAKING out, but the person i am today is… well, i’m much much calmer. still freaking out, but it’s manageable. starting new chapters in life used to throw me way way off and have me spinning. the last two years as i’ve been in recovery and found peace within myself, and turned to God for all my worries, well it’s just given me a new life and much less worry. so basically i feel like everything is manageable since i’m not alone and have Him looking out for me, just like everyone else. we are all blessed.
    however, i still have many moments of despair, fret, and worry… especially during certain times of the month!!!
    i think being a “control freak” can be good because i am really enthusiastic about coordinating and planning stuff, and details… which is a lot of what i do at work, so that’s kinda good i guess. haha. but on the flip side, when i feel like things are out of my control, i practically implode and deflate, and just wanna run and hide! like right now, packing sucks. i just rather sleep instead of deal with it. LOL. thank GOD for my friends, who are my angels right now… and see that i am a pathetic heap of dung when it comes to packing. i’m so lucky.
    with that said, i’m thankful for my friends!!!! they are the best. and my amazing family.. my mom and little brother are truly the best and so precious to me. what can i say??? i love them!
    happy thursday pretty mamacita!!!
    xooxoxox

  18. Phoebe says:

    Same! I like plans, do-lists, and organizations – not spontaneity!

    A few months ago, I told my Dad about getting mad when the plan changed. He said: “It depends on how important we think we are. If we are humble (we’re a christian family), then we can place others’ preferences over our plans.”
    What he said really helped me :) Now when my mum calls when I’m working, I get annoyed, but remind myself: how important is my mum’s feelings? how important is it to talk to her? … and that makes me *slightly* more flexible 😉

  19. Sarah G. says:

    Great post! I am super type-A and my husband is a major calming force for me because he can just adapt so easily when plans change and always finds a positive in the new plan. I seriously do not know how crazy stressed I would be without his reminders that the world is not, in fact, going to end because the post office is closed/they ran out of my favroite appetizer/the perfect dream shoe is sold out in my size/etc lol

  20. I’m pretty sure you were describing me at the first part there! 😉 I’m very type A, but I’m also getting better about not freaking out when things change. I’m a work in progress. :)

  21. I LOVE this. Seriously I think we’re twins separated at birth. We’re so freakin’ similar! I have too been working on this very thing over the last few years and it’s so nice to feel it coming together. It’s also nice to read your version and opinions and tips and feelings about it because it helps me recognize mine better. Keep being awesome. 😀

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  2. […] it upon themselves obviously (hello type A people like myself <–here’s a post on learning to let go p.s.), but some stuff just sucks & adds stress to […]

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