Be Brave

Happy Friday!

WAHOO. Weekend time baby. Time to get caught up & actually unpack into our new condo, eh?

*****

But first, I must admit something (I didn’t include it in yesterday’s post -BodyPUMP AIM 2 because it was already freaking long.) And this will be longer. So buckle up & grab a snack. You might need it. Oh and tissues. You might need those too.

It’s soul baring time.

I have to admit: I had a breakdown on Tuesday to my husband.

I just cried & cried & told him I didn’t feel like I did as well on my AIM 2 presentation #4 as I knew I could’ve. I just had SO much learning & training swirling around in my head, that it all felt jumbled/stifled/unnatural. Plus I missed 1 count and messed that up.

I was SO freaking bummed. I seriously almost never mess up choreography.

It was a tough thing to swallow.

And I even ended up tearing up when I told world-class trainer, Mid Thomas, about it all. She was so sweet & understanding & told me not to worry about it, and that she messes up choreo all the time.

We laughed through my tears.

{Mid Thomas<–world class trainer-she’s amazing! and me}

Yah. It helped for about 5 minutes.

I ended up worrying about it after those 5 minutes up until Tuesday at about 3 p.m. when I just bawled & bawled.

I am a perfectionist, so those tendencies to be hard on myself & want to be perfect in every way come out when I am stressed, being evaluated, or put on the spot.

Or PUSHED wayyyyyy outside my comfort zone. 

And BodyPUMP AIM 2 is the perfect place for ALL of that.

I was totally fine for most of the weekend, and handled the stress of being evaluated by the top trainers in the world pretty okay (at least in my opinion).

But that final ‘chance’ during the 4th presentation to shine, to rock out what I love doing, and to bring the fitness magic & all the feedback & knowledge & ALL to that lunges track just seemed to crumble right beneath me, and I couldn’t stop it. It was an other-worldy experience that I can’t explain. But I didn’t feel like I did what I came to do.

And that’s THE toughest part.

I didn’t feel like I did my best.

{My sister & husband both said I am being too hard on myself and that I did do my best, but I must be heard.}

Yes, that’s it. I didn’t feel like I did MY personal best.

And that is seriously rough to swallow.

Of course it can be said, “well you were pushed to those limits on purpose. that’s the reason for AIM 2.” Well, why did no one else cry?!

Oh wait. Several of us did.

Okay scratch that point.

How about “the trainers understand. They’ve been there before.”

True. But they are also looking for the best of the best.

And I’m not going to lie, I wanted that title. I wanted to be named ‘elite instructor.’ For all that it incompasses, and all that it could mean for future opportunities.

{there are 3 possible outcomes of AIM 2: 1. Instructor with a Plan 2. Advanced Instructor 3. Elite Instructor <–the pool they choose from when they need trainers or people to present on stage at fitness events}

I tried to not let that ‘possible outcome status’ get in my way, and I did push it out of my mind for most of the weekend, but for some reason it just came blaring back at me when I went to present #4.

I started off great, but like I said, I felt like it began to just go bye-bye.

UGH.

I have no idea why I am sharing this all here, but I do know it could help someone else.

Here’s the thing: we are often WAY too hard on ourselves. WAY.

And as we focus on what we COULD and DID do, instead of maybe what we DIDn’t or SHOULDn’t have done, life is so much happier.

I may not have done presentation #4 the way I would have liked, but I also didn’t fail either. I was able to put into practice some of the feedback I got, I was able to bring the track alive, and I was able to get through it without dying or totally messing it up (I say totally because I did get lost in the moment and called out ‘singles!’ when it should have been a ‘super slow’ count.)

But even then, I could choose to focus on the fact that I QUICKLY helped the class get right back on track, instead of letting them know we even missed a beat.

I could also choose to focus on some of the things the trainers DID say that rocked my world.

Josef: “Wow, great work on that intro! That was awesome.” and “Come here you little athlete, you.” {I really liked that one! :) }

Mid: “You are gorgeous. And I love your energy.” and “I love you!”

Megan: “I love your name.” and “Nice work.”

And I also had a HUGE amount of fun during those two days at BodyPUMP AIM 2. Lets’ not forget that!

I don’t know my final evaluation/outcome yet, either (they said 7-10 business days). And I honestly don’t care anymore. Yes, of course being named ‘elite’ would rock, but even having made it THIS far and to be among such incredible instructors & trainers was the opportunity of a lifetime I think I was looking for.

Not to mention the things I learned & will now incorporate into my teaching.

THOSE are the takeaways I think I really wanted. Not some ‘title.’

{source}

Be Brave

One Tribe. Be Brave. Change the World. <-Les Mills’ values.

I wanted to become the BEST version of me. Yes, I did want that.

The only problem with that, is I wanted it to happen RIGHT then, RIGHT there, and during the final presentation #4.

I am an impatient person. I am also human, and very imperfect.

These things we learned over the weekend take time to digest & incorporate. And I am committing myself to taking it all and becoming the BEST Les Mills BodyPUMP instructor I can be. (I being the operative word.)

And why?

So I can change the world, one class participant at a time.

I’m going to BE BRAVE & do this. I am going to give up the desire to grab that ‘title’ (even though deep down I really hoped for it), and instead focus on what I can do next to achieve even higher.

I want to change lives through fitness & through my teaching & via BodyPUMP. I want others to achieve the impossible, because I have done so. Teaching BodyPUMP & fitness -in general- saved me. (more on that in a later post)

I was never really a rockstar instructor to begin with, but because I have applied myself & worked my butt off, people like coming to my classes because I challenge them, inspire them, energize them, and uplift them. And they do that for ME too. I can’t live without teaching<–it is a lifeline for me now.

And knowing all that means SO much more than an ‘outcome’ from 2 days of work.

WHEW.

*******

Thanks for listening/reading. It feels good to get that out there. I am okay with being imperfect, for that is the beauty of living & learning. If we always rocked at everything, we’d never learn or grow, my friends.

I am grateful for TOUGH experiences that push my mental & physical limits. And AIM 2 was all of that and more!

Thank YOU to my amazing trainers, new friends/instructors, and all the people who have influenced me to help me realize this.

And a HUGE thanks to my amazing husband for letting me cry & be frustrated & be sad & be angry & be upset & be totally Type A once in awhile. He is the best spouse, and for him I am grateful. And of course, prayer & my relationship with God, has helped me during this entire journey–more than I ever realize or recognize.

*****

Cheers to moving forward & learning, living, and striving to be our best selves! There is no end to that journey, so let’s keep LIVING in the moment, shall we?!

Have a GREAT day!!! <3

Have YOU ever had a rough experience outside YOUR comfort zone that made YOU grow a lot?? What advice do YOU have for me to keep my head up high & be proud instead of disappointed?? What Friday plans do YOU have going on?!?! :)

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Comments

  1. Just think of what an amazing experience you had!! Nevermind the outcome (though that’s hard to do), but you know you did freakin’ awesome… maybe it wasn’t your complete personal best, but I’m sure it was just a teeny tiny notch away from that. Uhh and you’re freakin’ amazing… did I mention that yet???

  2. God and your faith are all you need right now….I think God has a plan for you to be the best YOU can be ….the people he chooses to encourage others (in what ever way often stumble or doubt themselves) ie…Jonah, “What God? No, I am not going…I am going fishing instead….ha! Who knew a whale had to change his thinking to what God’s plan was.

    Maybe this tiny cry you had or felt was just what you needed to give YOURSELF a new perspective on you and your role as a WONDERFUL~FUN~ENERGETIC Body PUMP instructor!! It was part of HIS PLAN for YOU…thank goodness it didn’t take a whale to swallow you up for you to get the point…ha!

    Still sounds like you had an amazing experience! You Rock!

  3. I’m sure you did fabulous! Don’t beat yourself if you don’t get Elite (easier to say than do I know) because in many people’s eyes (including mine) you already are!

  4. I’m also sure you did great! You’re very devoted to becoming the best instructor you can be and that’s what matters. Honestly, if you mess up sometimes that’s not a bad thing. As someone who takes classes, it makes the instructors seem kinda “human” to mess up occasionally. No one is perfect. And regardless of whether you have elite after your name or not the people who take your classes will still be there and still love you and still think you’re a great trainer!

  5. I know that it’s disappointing not to do your best when you’re being evaluated, but remember WHY you’re an instructor – to inspire others to reach their fitness goals! And I guarantee no one in your classes will care if you miss a beat or if you don’t get Elite, they are there for your support and inspiration!

  6. It’s always disappointing when you feel you didn’t do your best, but think of how amazing it is that you were even given that opportunity! You clearly have so much passion for this, and in my head that’s what makes an amazing instructor! <3

  7. Danielle says:

    Well, coming from a major/uber perfectionist, I know it’s disheartening when you feel like you didn’t do something to the best of your potential… BUT you have totally achieved your goals, and you are a shining super star just the way you are!!! :) and that means every single part of you! even the parts or actions that you grimace at, well those are perfect because they are a part of you! and you did gain so much more than you ever could imagine just by experiencing what you did and not giving up.
    You continue to inspire others every day, do you know why? because you are real, you exude joy, passion, energy, love, and happiness. You totally embody exactly what you are dreaming and hoping to become, and even beyond. You spread positive energy all over the galaxy (yes, galaxy!!!) and make people smile just by sharing your journey. You are star! On your good days, yucky days, funny days, whiny days – a star is always a star. Just keep shining like you are and be proud for sharing and helping others.
    I am soooo happy it’s Friday. I’ve been bloated and crabby all week and felt like a blobby weak mess, so I totally can understand not meeting your personal goals. But I’m thankful for your posts because it reminds me that it’s important to recognize our good and not focus on the bad. So I gotta thank YOU for making my week much better :D Yay, happy Friday!!!! whootwhoot xoxox

    • Danielle, you made me tear up. Thank you for your honesty & your kind words. You don’t know how much YOU mean to me too!

      Have a LOVELY weekend :) See the beauty, and smile on! xoxo

  8. I’m sure you still did a fabulous job! And the fact that you got everyone back on track QUICKLY after a baby blip will definitely leave a POSITIVE impression on the trainers in your ability to teach, lead, guide, and inspire your class. They know that no is perfect 100% of the time, but it’s how you RECOVER and it sounds like you did an excellent job!

    Like others have said, try not to think about the outcome even though that’s hard, and remember everything you GAINED. Just reading your experience with AIM 2 has inspired me on my own journey. We are ONE TRIBE and you have a world of instructors out there supporting you… and a class full members coming back week after week because YOU inspire them.

    Kia Kaha!

  9. I’m a total perfectionist and can be wayyyy to hard on myself too. Ever since I got married, I’ve lightened up on myself a bit though thanks to my husband. I’m sure you totally rocked it girl! I’ve seen you teach class and you’ve always amazed me! ;) Big hugs to you!

  10. Yeah, we are all students here, to learn is part of our journey, stop learning and we stop living, enjoy the most we can!!

  11. Oh my, Annette… I love this post. Thanks for being so honest and getting it all out! And I 100% relate to you and know what you’re talking about. You can point out ALL of the good things that you did, how many people you are helping get strong and fit, and anything else that makes you a wonderful instructor- but if there’s one little mistake, that’s what you focus on. You and I are SO similar. Perfectionists. Rarely mess up choreography. And when we mess up ONE little count, that’s all we focus on- never mind the other 59 minutes of class that were awesome.
    And you DO need to be easier on yourself- those trainings are NO JOKE. If anyone just walked into a regular class that you were teaching, they’d see you at your best. It’s hard to be your best when you’ve been having your butt kicked for 2 days, you’re tired, your muscles are sore and you just want to sleep. But, man- you did it! You are amazing, my friend, no matter what “status” you achieve.

  12. Grace Ramírez says:

    Hey!!! Thank you so much for the experience, I think it was amazing the module and the whole process. Im also a Les Mills instructor (bodyflow) here in Mexico, very proud of becomin part of the tribe one year and a half ago… To read some of your posts was definitely energizing and brougth back some dreams and lost hopes. Some months ago I was injured, since my right patella wasnt OK I have to stop my classes and could not change the world anymore u.u Imagine my depression… I was completely out of myself. My Bff are all instructors… Anybody knew what to do, couldnt help so much (and everybody continue being instructors, full of classes, full of energy and motivation… I depressed twice cuz I waes not there) Im better now, nobody give me a class, gyms dont want to give a chance to bodyflow and options are scarce now… Suddenly I was lossing myself again, telling me that maybe it was not for me and this fitness world was not for me when I found your blog… To read your passion, to see that there are many others out there, changing lives and looking after their best.versions is awesome. Thanks for that feelling, hope this will help my efforts to be useful!!! Hope you continue being a great fitspiration for the people!.Contact me whenever you want! :)

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