Hey guys! It is serious dreary weather over here….so let’s look at some pretty Fall pictures to cheer me us up, mkay??!
I love color!
I wanna swim....
Ahhhh. I feel better all ready.
The Skinny Dilemma
So as many of you know I have been through a lot over the years (who hasn’t, really?!)–with disordered eating, unhealthy exercise patterns, undereating, binge eating, emotional eating, bulimic tendencies, etc. It was not fun. In hindsight, though, it has made me who I am, and made me much, much stronger.
{Of course I share this on the world wide web in hopes that maybe one (or two!) of you who might be struggling can see that there is an end, and that the light at the end of the tunnel may be nearer than you think! }
I used to think that being skinny was the answer to all my problems. I seriously did. Remember that I am a dancer, a perfectionist, a type A personality, and am a lover of all things activity. So it was almost an eventual recipe for disaster….
I thought that if I looked like ____ I would be happy. Or if I could be a size ___ all my problems, worries, and woes would be gone. Or if I weighed ____ amount I’d be set. Or if I could burn ____ calories life would peachy. And even if I could eat ___ and then throw it up later, I’d be able to have my cake and eat it too–without the extra guilt or pounds (<—which was very false, now that I think about it!)
I'm on the left in pink - circa 2005
Seriously crazy, right?!
Not really. Well, sort of. A lot of people (mostly women, but some men too), think like this! And it is driving them (us/you/some people) crazy. And making for very unhealthy practices, unhealthy weight gain or loss, possible depression, and/or social avoidance.
When I was going through it all, there were years where I was *scared* to go to someone’s house for fear they would watch me not really eat their food. Or that they would see me scarf it and then use the bathroom later. Or I would tell myself I would go to the gym extra early the next day because of what I did *allow* myself to eat.
It was a horrible way to live, really. And it was all done in the name of being skinny (or a certain number in my eyes)
Yes, skinny I became, but not very surprisingly, the more unhappy I became as well.
It was like I was trying to prove to myself (and others) that I could be perfect, skinny, and have it all-when really I was super unkind to myself in my thoughts, was kind of a social downer, never liked any weight or size I reached, and really dove into school to hide all my anxieties (I guess the only really good thing about it all was that I did really well in college!). Sounds so perfect, right?!
NOT.
And that is what I guess I am trying to say here, a number on a scale, a number on a pair of pants, and totally altered photos in magazines should NOT define us and who we are. It will only make us unhappy, probably (more) unhealthy, and really not satisfied with life.
FIT Is The New Answer
And that is why I say being FIT is the NEW answer.
{blurry} new answer!
My goal to be as fit, strong, healthy, confident, and HAPPY has made life so much more enjoyable! I’ve not only been able to reach several life goals I had, I have been able to change my body for the better (hello defined muscles!), and truly become who I was meant to be. **Major bonus: because I was so happy and content with who I was (becoming), my eventual husband fell madly in love with me (and he is my better half and my best friend<—mushy alert!) so that’s just super awesome.
If that doesn’t spell true happiness, then I don’t know what we’re all looking for 
husband and wife for forever-oh yah.
Bye Bye Old Expectations
Being, getting, and staying FIT is my NEW answer. No I will never be that size O again, but that is not where my body (and mind) is its healthiest. But I can say I am much stronger, fitter, healthier, and happier than I ever was. (Can I just put it out there that hindsight is 20-20, and back then I never would have admitted all that!!)
So I guess I can say, “bye bye” to those thoughts that I am not skinny enough……at least until a bad photo is taken of me
I kid I kid. Haha. I am human. I guess I mean that through this all, that yes, I have self doubts some days, and yes it was hard to accept the fact that my body is not meant to be a size O, and yes I do have thoughts from time to time that it would be cool to look like a super model, but what it all boils down to it : I tried it out, and it was SO not worth the anguish, unhappiness, and total isolation I felt.
I take FIT any day 
Now isn’t that a goal worth striving for?! Forget the jeans’ number and grab some weights, hit up a fun dance class, or reach a new PR. Those things are much more lasting (and probably healthier) than squeezing into a *special* number! (And yes, “FIT” is different for each person.) **BONUS—you might shed the pounds or body fat IF you’ve been wanting to shed ‘em, by not focusing negatively on them!**
lace up with me--FIT here we come!
Enjoy your Tuesday (and your workouts! I am off to HIIT the treadmill….if ya know what I mean Can’t wait to try out 10.5 mph today for a 30 second interval……
Is this something that resonates with YOU?? What kind of answers have YOU found lately that you want to share?? What was YOUR latest workout goal?!
You are SO gorgeous!!!! I try and emulate your healthy lifestyle! Your body is beautiful and SO STRONG (hello, couldn’t keep up with you in bodypump.. not even close!). You are amazing!! My latest is workout goal is to finish this half-marathon on Sunday, so I can finally switch up my workout routine… strength training AND cardio here I come!
awww thanks girl
and GOOD luck on the half! You’re totally going to crush it!! Take tons of photos, and I can’t wait to hear all about it!
Amazing post!!! I love how open you are about your past and that you are willing to share this info! You are soo right! I don’t know why people are just striving to be skinny! Healthy should be the goal!
Loved reading this post today!! You’re awesome!! Happy Tuesday to you too!
Healthy IS the goal
Have a great day Val-thanks for stopping by!
This post hits home for me. I’ve been through all the same things. Fortunately, I’ve gotten through them, and I have a much healthier outlook on life now. As you said, it’s definitely something that’s made me who I am today. I also believe it’s what helped sparked my interest in fitness, health, and nutrition, which are my biggest passions now. Thank you for your inspiring post, Annette!
I am glad it could resonate with ya–and that you’ve been able to move forward and have a great blog-that rocks!! Have a good day Ashley
<—p.s. seriously, we had to wait THIS long to be better friends?! What the hey?! haha. Just funny how social media links everyone back together!
I admire your honesty Annette…I used to tell myself I’d workout harder and earlier the next day if I ALLOWED myself a treat..My goodness how sad is that!! I am so glad I’m not there anymore…
My latest workout goal? More strength training! I’ve been doing circuit training and it is CARAZY hard! My body has never been more sore!
Now THAT is an awesome workout goal
Sometimes we just gotta go through the hard stuff to appreciate what life is all about—so glad you feel the same way!! Thanks for being a great support, Katie!
love this and love you! crazy what we have to go through to realize what’s most important! glad someone is fighting for this healthy outlook too!
Amen. Love you back
Thank you so much for sharing this Annette! I too, admire your openness and honesty
This definitely does resonate with me, it’s not easy and I’m working through it, but reading this is so reassuring.. To be healthy and happy is definitely the ultimate goal !! Thanks again 
Clare–you’re stronger than you think. And you can have that goal
You’re amazing already for trying!! Have a wonderful day!
This post definitely resonated with me…what you described is essentially what I went through for the first 2-3 years of my weight loss journey and I was completely miserable. I’m SO much happier of a person now that I’m not ridiculously obsessive…but its definitely a daily battle and sometimes I need to put myself into check if I start getting too hard on myself. I try to live a balanced and healthy life and that will mean not being overly obsessed over my workouts or my calories..its a much happier life then I’ve ever had before, even at my skinniest. skinny definitely does not equal happy!
Amen sista. You sound beautiful inside and out!! And you’re right, it is a daily battle and it is something we all work at, but we should be proud of it, instead of suffering inside about it. GO you!!