I Stepped on the Scale…

I have a story to tell you. There aren’t many pictures, mainly just words & some thoughts. You’ve been warned!

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I Stepped on the Scale….

Once upon a time I was an anorexic (in college) who was obsessed with what I weighed and constantly desiring to weigh less. I stepped on the scale every.single.day. right after I woke up & had used the bathroom, and was completely undressed (<—duh, so I weighed the least amount).

As my disordered eating habits swelled & peaked from anorexic tendencies to binge & emotional eating, I became more & more distraught with the numbers I was seeing on the scale. The number had a HUGE impact on my attitude & outlook on life during that day. If the number was ‘okay,’ I was pretty happy, but if the number was higher than the day before, I was moody, unhappy, and slightly depressed. It was a bad situation.

As I worked on healing my thoughts, my actions, and my body, I stopped stepping on the scale. When I turned to lifting weights, getting stronger, and focusing more on fitness & good fuel rather than starvation, deprivation, calorie counting, and endless (boring) cardio, I naturally cared less and less about what I weighed. I knew the muscle I was building counted more for how I FELT rather than what a stupid piece of measurement told me. I saw healthy changes in my body & I felt really good about how I looked!

When I got pregnant, I weighed about 30 pounds more than when I was anorexic. (Yes, very scary thought that I ever weighed that little.) All during pregnancy I stepped on the scale backward because I didn’t want the scale to rule any of my thoughts or worries. I just didn’t want that extra possibility even there. I knew that baby L was more important than any stupid number on the scale, but I also didn’t want any emotions to take over & ever rule my food choices. (The nurse would tell me how much I had gained since the last appointment, throughout the 40 weeks. )

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{so glad she is outside of me now!!}

At my 6-week postpartum appointment, I was 10 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. I thought that was interesting, it had a bit of an effect on the way I ate that day (#truestory), but then I forgot about the whole weight thing and went back to focusing on strength, fitness, and how I felt.

Even though I 100% know that a scale does NOT tell the whole story in the health & fitness of my self, I’d be lying if I said a bathroom scale had no power over me anymore.

However, NOW I really do know that.

Yesterday, while hanging out at my sister’s home after teaching my fitness classes, I went to take a shower while Lily was napping. It was 1:30 p.m. in the afternoon so I had eaten a ton of food & drunk a lot of water by then. (Definitely not an ideal situation by my past life’s standards to weigh myself at all.)

As I undressed for the shower though, I noticed the bathroom scale. It was practically screaming at me to try it out & step on it.

To be totally honest, my heart rate quickened a bit. It totally did. And I was mad at myself for letting the stupid scale have ANY force over me & my emotions.

I decided right then & there that I’d step on the scale to end this stupid game once & for all. I promised myself to remember that I feel good, think I look good, and more importantly, am very happy with my workouts & eating right now, no matter what the scale said. I promised myself I would not be emotionally charged or involved with whatever the readout said.

I stepped on the scale, and naturally held my breath…….

And up popped a number that I’ve not seen in a long time……

It was a few pounds less than what I weighed before I got pregnant.

But you know what the coolest part of the whole experience was?????

That number didn’t make me happy or sad. Not one little bit!!  I simply thought these thoughts: “huh. That is kind of weird. Maybe the scale is broken? Oh well, I don’t care anyways. I’m more than a number. Maybe I lost some lean muscle tissue?! That’s not good! But really, Annette, who cares? I sure don’t, because I feel dang good.”

And I hopped into the shower, went about my day, and didn’t think about it again until I sat down to write these thoughts out.

And thus ends the true saga of a girl who let a stupid inanimate object catch her attention, thoughts, & self-worth. She won though, in the end. Yes, yes she did.

i stepped on the scale

<3

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To all those of you who struggle with this, let me tell you, I’ve been there! And my heart aches for you. <3 It’s the worst feeling to have something so silly (it really is silly when we think about it) drive our emotions. And yet, it’s so hard to overcome. Use my story to give you hope to power through yours! <3

In this life we are given much by our Heavenly Father. Two of the most beautiful gifts are our bodies (& minds) and our agency. We get to choose how we act & react to things, but just as importantly, we get to choose how we treat our bodies & our minds.

This experience of mine is a powerful example of beating the adversary (Satan, if you will) in his game of attempting to drag me & my self-image down. Well folks, he will not win that battle. Not anymore. Not with this girl! Because this girl is on fireeeeeeeeeeee! ;)

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Have a GREAT day!! <3

Tell me about YOUR story with the scale–does it play a role in YOUR life or not so much??! What are YOUR ideas/tips to help someone lose the power of the scale over them??!

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